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Literature Text
I'm not any good at poetry.
When I speak of you, the words don't come
Measured in stanzas and sonnets.
When I look at you, I don't think
Of lilies or daffodils in spring.
Your voice, while mellifluous,
Doesn't make me think of song.
When I look at you, you're all I see,
My world encompassed in a face.
My universe is bounded by your skin,
Which bewitches me with a touch,
That I cannot think of does.
I can't explain the way I feel
When your eyes look up at me
With perfect rhyming similes.
I have no golden metaphors
To express the way your laughter sounds,
For when you laugh, it's all I hear.
No, I'm no good at poetry---
I love you far too much for that.
When I speak of you, the words don't come
Measured in stanzas and sonnets.
When I look at you, I don't think
Of lilies or daffodils in spring.
Your voice, while mellifluous,
Doesn't make me think of song.
When I look at you, you're all I see,
My world encompassed in a face.
My universe is bounded by your skin,
Which bewitches me with a touch,
That I cannot think of does.
I can't explain the way I feel
When your eyes look up at me
With perfect rhyming similes.
I have no golden metaphors
To express the way your laughter sounds,
For when you laugh, it's all I hear.
No, I'm no good at poetry---
I love you far too much for that.
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A love poem.
This was originally written because I'm in the middle of rewriting the Twilight saga (for hopefully less suck) and my muse decided to give Edward and Bella a homework assignment to write a love poem. And then insisted on writing theirs. This is Edward's. If you want to read the rewrite, drop me a note for the link.
I think it stands on its own, though; I don't consider it to be necessarily tied to the original work.
This was originally written because I'm in the middle of rewriting the Twilight saga (for hopefully less suck) and my muse decided to give Edward and Bella a homework assignment to write a love poem. And then insisted on writing theirs. This is Edward's. If you want to read the rewrite, drop me a note for the link.
I think it stands on its own, though; I don't consider it to be necessarily tied to the original work.
© 2009 - 2024 kalany
Comments21
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Opinion (and not a vastly informed one either).
The emotion, passion and feeling obvious in the words are hobbled by a poor rhythm. It is difficult to read as a poem because it lacks balance and flow.
It is as if each line stands alone.
That said there is a good poem here it is just in need of structure.
As prose it would be fine the words are strong and descriptive, poetry requires there to be another stricture placed upon the work which is that it has to balance certain lines with certain others,. How this is achieved is up to the poet and may be as complex or simple as they deem seemly.
There are great lines in this piece they just need a counterpoint.
BTW I find it realy hard to write about someone I love so it may be viral.
The emotion, passion and feeling obvious in the words are hobbled by a poor rhythm. It is difficult to read as a poem because it lacks balance and flow.
It is as if each line stands alone.
That said there is a good poem here it is just in need of structure.
As prose it would be fine the words are strong and descriptive, poetry requires there to be another stricture placed upon the work which is that it has to balance certain lines with certain others,. How this is achieved is up to the poet and may be as complex or simple as they deem seemly.
There are great lines in this piece they just need a counterpoint.
BTW I find it realy hard to write about someone I love so it may be viral.